The show of life

Alone, with myself only. Have you noticed how hearing nothing can be nice?

Being aware of myself I enter my world, my deepest places. Strange world of quietness, searching my soul and trying to correct my mistakes. My mistake everything I have done and experienced, ooh a full bin of used things, the past. Learning from it, exploring like nothing else is important but a present moment. Listening to my inner self I try to find out more. Do I know my self enough? Who am I? My soul, my past a mirror of me. Looking deep inside, many things I don’t like. Just a wind singing interrupting my thoughts. I like it, feels like it pleasures my face. Feeling hot suddenly, oh how weird is exploring myself. It is a journey…..a short one?...maybe not. Nice things, I did not expect. Remember, recall , that is it. Nothing feels like you know you could not have done better, right. There is nothing to learn from it, boring, old stories. Maybe I should concentrate on learning, but there is nothing to learn. Improvement, yes that is the word I am looking for, what is there to improve when you see. What is the purpose? I am still learning am I not? Exploring, so I can do better. Yes, there is nothing to be ashamed of creating myself all over gain, each moment in time. Correct it, sounds like an order....no need for correction. Yes, I will work on it. Feeling back reality again. I know I will learn something from it, I just need to go back more often.

Alone again, I hear nothing, just a thought. A thought with a million meanings, crossing my mind, taking me, manipulating and controlling everything I have ever wanted to feel. Strange, unfamiliar feeling that cannot be controlled. Hopeless, no way out. Am I dreaming, how can this happen to me being awake. Yes, it is happening, no need to be afraid. Thinking, exploring deeply, realizing my emotions and trying to control it. Feels strange not being in control, nothing to control. The air, I can see it, water tastes like never before, I am alive. Even breathing seems like having sense now. Oh, being aware of these things, hearing my heart finding out what the feeling means. Feeling so alive having a choice. Staying with the feeling of understanding like being afraid of missing the last train. Yes, that is it; I know it.

What a show, as a conscious actor I can relate better to other actors or just enjoy the show without being engaged, just enjoying........as without me, the show is not.